A few things have been running through my head in the past couple days. First of all, it always amazes me that God seems to always be bringing up passages and lessons that I have been dealing with in so many different arenas. As my last entry talked about, I have been really learning about faith, and how to follow him with complete confidence and dedication.
Today in chapel, Christine Mutch talked about Hebrews 10 through 12 which are pretty much the faith chapters. It talks about how we should hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, it gives a ton of examples of faith being lived out, and encourages us to throw of everything that hinders in pursuit of Jesus Christ. So basically the exact thing I have been exploring lately. It was really hard to refrain from bursting out laughing when she began speaking about it. Yes, God I get the message.
I love how things always seem so muddled until you actually take the time and energy to listen. Then it seems so clear, and you feel like an idiot for not hearing it to begin with. Oh the joys of being humbled.
Anyway, last night at Evensong I was sort of taking a temperature of how my life is going, and I was extremely frustrated because my sin nature keeps getting the better of me. I try so hard to follow God and do what is right and live in a way that is pleasing to him, but I keep failing.
I hate how easy it is to parade God’s name while toting my own agenda. I hate how I can praise him with my mouth in chapel then walk out that door and use the same mouth to gossip or complain. I hate how I keep doing good things in the name of Jesus for completely selfish reasons. It’s so terrible because a lot of the time I don’t even realize what I’m doing until later. Grrrr.
Yeah, I realize that I can do nothing in my own strength. I know that it is Christ who gives me strength, but it is my job to depend on that. It is my job to use the strength he has given me, and I keep failing. It’s really good he’s so patient because I am probably really getting on his nerves with all of this.
The cool part though, is that in my Theories of Counseling class we had an assignment to compare and contrast Romans 7:14-25 with Psychoanalytic theory (that’s Freud for all you non-psych majors). And that passage is exactly what I needed. I think the best way to explain how amazing it is, is to just give you the scripture. So here it is.
14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. Romans 7:14-25
So in conclusion, God is pretty much incredible. And now I have to go get ready for work (first day at Sabaoth this year woo!). So this is the awkward ending. The End.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Faith
Well, it has been awhile due camp, school, and general laziness. A lot has happened this summer so I am unfortunately forced to condense ridiculous amounts of God-being-awesome stories into something that isn’t a book. So, here goes.
I think if there were to be a theme of my life for the summer it would be faith. There were so many situations where I felt unbelievably inadequate, but I knew that was where God wanted me to be. So I had to step out in faith, and believe that he would use me despite the fact that I had no idea what I was doing.
I remember times when my girls would be completely broken, where they told me stories about how the world has beaten them down, and how they have to deal with these crazy hard situations that I cannot even imagine. I remember a few times where I held a girl weeping in my arms, and I had absolutely nothing to say. I had no idea what to do. I had this huge desire to give them something, to help them somehow, but never the knowledge to do so.
I think that is when God worked the most, though. I could practically see him with his own arms around them, whispering words of comfort in their ear. I know that through that brokenness, he planted something. Even just by the ends of the weeks, I got to see this beauty that completely shocked me. I got to see these kids, who everybody dismisses as children, worshiping with incredible sincerity, living with unbelievable passion, and serving God with deep humility.
On somewhat of a side note, I think that a lot of times we think of children and even teens as these little Christians-in-training. We say oh someday they will eventually grow up to be great Christians, and do not acknowledge that they can be great Christians in the present. It drives me crazy when people underestimated me like that (in fact, they still do). So it is so discouraging to see my campers and friends go through that as well.
People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them. Mark 10:13-16
The truth is, God is working in and through them now. He is using them to impact people now. He is using them for his work now. We should, therefore, encourage them and equip them for it. We should give them opportunities to step up and speak the truth instead of demanding their silence while we do the real ministering. Yes, it is their roll to learn and be submissive to their elders, but that does not mean they cannot do extraordinary things for the kingdom of God right now. Ok, rant over.
I have also had the privilege of continuing my relationships with a few of campers. Although many of them have had to go through a lot of difficulty since then, God has really done some amazing things in their lives. I am in awe of how one week in God’s hands can change so much.
The biggest way God has been teaching me about faith is in regard to my future plans. He shook a lot of things up for me, and I have to admit it is scary. From the time I was a junior in high school, I thought for sure God was leading me to be a family counselor. It has always been a no question thing for me. I felt really inadequate about it, but I knew that was where he wanted me.
However, recently, I think he has been leading me in a different direction. There were a few things leading up to it, but for the most part it all began one night this summer walking back from chapel. I was thinking about how much I loved ministering to my girls at camp and at church. About how I loved living life with them, mourning for their pains, rejoicing in their triumphs, and helping to show them the intensity of God’s love for them. Then those two little words snuck into my head: what if.
What if that was my job? What if I got to do this all the time? What if God is calling me to some sort of ministry instead of an office with clients? I didn’t take it seriously at all at first, but it kept coming back in my thoughts, in circumstances and even in scripture. So I began to think and pray about it more. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t just making this decision because of the camp high. I also wanted to make sure I wasn’t just hearing what I wanted to hear. So I decided I would wait to work everything through until I got home.
Upon coming home, coming back to school, and after a lot of processing, I have come to a few conclusions.
1. This whole thing may just be a cop-out because I’m scared to death of counseling, and this seems fractionally less frightening.
2. If I could do anything in the world, it would be my dream to work in either a church or a camp setting.
3. Either way, I am sticking with psychology as far as a major goes and I will probably get my master’s in counseling so I have some time to decide.
Having all this turned upside down on me is difficult, but whatever it is that God has for me, I want to follow with all my heart. If it requires a very uncomfortable time of uncertainty, I am ok with that. I know that if I step out in faith, he will take me somewhere extraordinary, and I don’t want to miss a bit of it. Abraham is pretty much my homeboy right now, so how about we pack up and head out into that desert.
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1
By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. Hebrews 11:8
I think if there were to be a theme of my life for the summer it would be faith. There were so many situations where I felt unbelievably inadequate, but I knew that was where God wanted me to be. So I had to step out in faith, and believe that he would use me despite the fact that I had no idea what I was doing.
I remember times when my girls would be completely broken, where they told me stories about how the world has beaten them down, and how they have to deal with these crazy hard situations that I cannot even imagine. I remember a few times where I held a girl weeping in my arms, and I had absolutely nothing to say. I had no idea what to do. I had this huge desire to give them something, to help them somehow, but never the knowledge to do so.
I think that is when God worked the most, though. I could practically see him with his own arms around them, whispering words of comfort in their ear. I know that through that brokenness, he planted something. Even just by the ends of the weeks, I got to see this beauty that completely shocked me. I got to see these kids, who everybody dismisses as children, worshiping with incredible sincerity, living with unbelievable passion, and serving God with deep humility.
On somewhat of a side note, I think that a lot of times we think of children and even teens as these little Christians-in-training. We say oh someday they will eventually grow up to be great Christians, and do not acknowledge that they can be great Christians in the present. It drives me crazy when people underestimated me like that (in fact, they still do). So it is so discouraging to see my campers and friends go through that as well.
People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them. Mark 10:13-16
The truth is, God is working in and through them now. He is using them to impact people now. He is using them for his work now. We should, therefore, encourage them and equip them for it. We should give them opportunities to step up and speak the truth instead of demanding their silence while we do the real ministering. Yes, it is their roll to learn and be submissive to their elders, but that does not mean they cannot do extraordinary things for the kingdom of God right now. Ok, rant over.
I have also had the privilege of continuing my relationships with a few of campers. Although many of them have had to go through a lot of difficulty since then, God has really done some amazing things in their lives. I am in awe of how one week in God’s hands can change so much.
The biggest way God has been teaching me about faith is in regard to my future plans. He shook a lot of things up for me, and I have to admit it is scary. From the time I was a junior in high school, I thought for sure God was leading me to be a family counselor. It has always been a no question thing for me. I felt really inadequate about it, but I knew that was where he wanted me.
However, recently, I think he has been leading me in a different direction. There were a few things leading up to it, but for the most part it all began one night this summer walking back from chapel. I was thinking about how much I loved ministering to my girls at camp and at church. About how I loved living life with them, mourning for their pains, rejoicing in their triumphs, and helping to show them the intensity of God’s love for them. Then those two little words snuck into my head: what if.
What if that was my job? What if I got to do this all the time? What if God is calling me to some sort of ministry instead of an office with clients? I didn’t take it seriously at all at first, but it kept coming back in my thoughts, in circumstances and even in scripture. So I began to think and pray about it more. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t just making this decision because of the camp high. I also wanted to make sure I wasn’t just hearing what I wanted to hear. So I decided I would wait to work everything through until I got home.
Upon coming home, coming back to school, and after a lot of processing, I have come to a few conclusions.
1. This whole thing may just be a cop-out because I’m scared to death of counseling, and this seems fractionally less frightening.
2. If I could do anything in the world, it would be my dream to work in either a church or a camp setting.
3. Either way, I am sticking with psychology as far as a major goes and I will probably get my master’s in counseling so I have some time to decide.
Having all this turned upside down on me is difficult, but whatever it is that God has for me, I want to follow with all my heart. If it requires a very uncomfortable time of uncertainty, I am ok with that. I know that if I step out in faith, he will take me somewhere extraordinary, and I don’t want to miss a bit of it. Abraham is pretty much my homeboy right now, so how about we pack up and head out into that desert.
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1
By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. Hebrews 11:8
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