Something I have been observing lately , and that I have experienced in my own life is the tendency for women to define themselves by their relationships. Which is, I think, something that is very much a part of who we are females and as humans. The purpose of our very creation was for relationship with God and with Adam. So I think it is right and healthy for us to do so.
However, this view seems at first to be at odds with what I have observed. I have seen so many women define themselves by their relationships only to lose their own identities and get their hearts broken. I have done it too. I have put my identity so much in being a sister, daughter, and friend that when things weren’t going the best, my self-esteem was shot to pieces. I had no confidence in myself, and I felt so unbelievably unloved and lonely.
I also see this a lot in dating and even marriage relationships. I see people so wrapped up in their significant other that they cannot spend an hour without seeing them, calling them, texting them or talking to them. Yes, those relationships are extremely important, however when you start judging your worth by how they view you, it is not good. Because what happens when you go through a rough patch? What happens if you break up?
You are going to be completely broken. You will not know who you are, and you will find you have no other support system to help you through it because you have been so wrapped up in that person that you have excluded other people from your life.
I think that by doing this, you give them this power over you. You give them the ability to determine who you are. And no matter how good that person is or how much they try not to hurt you or disappoint you, they will. All humans are broken. Whether intentionally or not, everyone is going let you down in some way or another. Which sounds very harsh, depressing and pessimistic, but it’s true. If you put all of yourself into any human relationship you will be disappointed because we are all sinful.
However, there is a better way. And here comes the Sunday School answer. I think that we need to find our identity in our relationship with Christ. Which I’m sure you have heard before, but it is SO true and I don’t think we really get it a lot of times. I know there has been so many times when I haven’t.
I mean, he is always going to be there for you. No matter what you have done or what is going on in life, you always have his ear and his love. It doesn’t matter what affection you give or don’t give. It doesn’t matter what you have done for him or how much time you have spent together. He never lets you down or rejects you. He is never too busy or too tired.
You can never be completely loved except by him. I mean completely loved. Uncompromisingly. He doesn’t compare you or get distracted by others. He loves you wholly. He wraps his arms around you and whispers in your ear that you are valuable that you are worth it. He pursued you to the end of the earth and never gave up. He LOVES you. (Psalm 139)
All this is not to say, however, that you cannot trust people. I think that when you define yourself by how God sees you, you have the ability to trust people even more than before because you are secure in God’s constancy. You know that no matter what, He is going to take care of you. So you have the confidence to share yourself with others. You can show them your hurts, your joys, your dreams, and your passions. You can open yourself up in ways that are not possible without the love of Christ. Your relationships become so much more meaningful, intimate, and less full of drama. “We love because he first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)
So here’s to you and God.
May your eyes be always set on him
May your mouth sing his praises
May your feet walk in his ways
May your hands never cease to do his work
May your heart belong entirely to him
Forever and always. Amen.
Love, Crumpet
